Forgiving Is Harder For Men

By: Rick Nauert, Ph.D.
      Senior News Editor  

Tuesday, Mar. 4 (Psych Central) — A popular Willie Nelson song makes light of the fact that when a relationship ends, forgiving or perhaps forgetting is a difficult endeavor. New research appears to support the admonition that while forgiveness can be a powerful means to healing, it does not come naturally for both sexes.Men have a harder time forgiving than women do, according to Case Western Reserve University psychologist Julie Juola Exline. But that can change if men develop empathy toward an offender by seeing they may also be capable of similar actions. Then the gender gap closes, and men become less vengeful.

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The researchers found that people of both genders are more forgiving when they see themselves as capable of committing a similar action to the offender’s; it tends to make the offense seem smaller. Seeing capability also increases empathic understanding of the offense and causes people to feel more similar to the offenders. Each of these factors, in turn, predicts more forgiving attitudes.

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Exline found this ability to identify with the offender and forgive also happens in intergroup conflicts in a study that she related to forgiveness of the 9/11 terrorists.

“When people could envision their own government committing acts similar to those of the terrorists, they were less vengeful,” she stressed. “For example, they were less likely to believe that perpetrators should be killed on the spot or given the death penalty, and they were more supportive of negotiations and economic aid.”

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